Cool Cucumbers: How Do You Show Up in Conflict? - jennwhitmer.com

Feb 4, 2020

Cool Cucumbers: How Do You Show Up in Conflict?

How do you show up in conflict? Cool Cucumbers 1,3 5 Enneagram coach

Conflict is everywhere. Even for those of you out there trying to avoid it, conflict is strewn across the path, tripping you up like laundry across a teenager’s room. (Ok, maybe just my teenagers’ rooms, but you get it?)

Imperfect people clashing over imperfect wants and needs provides opportunities for conflict in every nook and cranny of life.

How you cope with the conflict makes all the difference. So let’s talk a little about the Enneagram and conflict coping styles.

First up: Cool Cucumbers

Ones, Threes, and Fives

This group shares similar strengths and weaknesses in conflict. Cool Cucumbers tend to look for objective solutions within a specific framework or structure. They tend to remain detached and repress their feelings to see the facts.

This group may include you if you tend to:

  • Respond with analysis and reasoning first?
  • See the problem and troubleshoot solutions dispassionately?
  • Leave your emotions behind or even detach to remain calm?
  • Focus on facts, rules, and tasks?
  • Miss the big picture in the middle of fighting fires?
  • Avoid getting emotionally whipped up?
  • Become competitive, critical, or the expert? 
  • Value maintaining emotional control?

What’s great about Cool Cucumbers:

You bring focus to the issue and precise solutions.

What you Cool Cucumbers can do to grow:

Incorporate others’ feelings and look for the big picture. Understand the emotional impact and broader purpose of decisions.

In-the-moment trick:

Slow down and ask more questions—of yourself and others. Ask yourself, what’s the big idea? How are others emotionally responding right now? Pause to see if you may have become rigid or impatient. If you find you’ve lost the forest for the trees, remind yourself of the big goal.

Ones: In Conflict

It can always be better. And we should make it so.

All about Quality Control.

Ones in Conflict It can always be better. And we should make it so. All about Quality Control. Rules and systems give comfort. Hold emotions in the body, literally become rigid. Like perfect plans unless flexibility has been explicitly defined. Especially represses anger. Remember:  You are good. Learn how to embrace serenity. Accept the perfection of imperfection. Find play and creativity. Ask questions instead of making judgement statements.

Rules and systems give comfort.

Hold emotions in the body, literally become rigid.

Like perfect plans unless flexibility has been explicitly defined.

Especially represses anger.

Ones: Remember

You are good.

Learn how to embrace serenity.

Accept the perfection of imperfection.

Find play and creativity.

Ask questions instead of making judgment statements.

Threes: In Conflict

Champions survive. I will win.

Efficiency is king. Shortcuts to excellence are available everywhere.

Threes in Conflict Champions survive. I will win. Efficiency is king. Shortcuts to excellence are available everywhere. Use achievement to repress emotions. Vanity can blind. Highly focused on the tasks. Confident in own capability. A quick expert. Remember: You are valued as you are. Learn to let down the mask and embrace transparency. Have patience for others’ speed of work.

Use achievement to repress emotions.

Vanity can blind.

Highly focused on the tasks.

Confident in own capability. A quick expert.

Threes: Remember

You are valued as you are.

Learn to let down the mask.

Embrace transparency.

Have patience for others’ speed of work.

Fives: In Conflict

Need privacy because the world zaps mental reserves.

Knowledge is power.

Detach from emotions to view facts.

Need privacy because the world zaps mental reserves. Knowledge is power. Detach from emotions to view facts. Like to work outside the system. May trust deeply and freely, but often only one person. Can appear stand-offish and cold, but engaged in the mind. Remember: You are safe to have needs. Ask for space to process alone, then reengage. Allow your emotions to be a part of decisions. Learn to read others’ body language.

Like to work outside the system.

May trust deeply and freely, but often only one person.

Can appear stand-offish and cold, but engaged in the mind.

Fives: Remember

You are safe to have needs.

Ask for space to process alone, then reengage.

Allow your emotions to be a part of decisions.

Learn to read others’ body language.I’d love to support you in your growth. Visit  jennwhitmer.com/work-with-me or jennwhitmer.com/enneagram for enneagram coaching to find out how I can serve you beyond this little app.

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