Jun 21, 2020

“Be nice.”  “Don’t make a fuss.” “You’re so bossy.” Ever heard any of these? Uh, yeah. Me, too. Our culture has pushed several limiting beliefs about confrontation—and mostly to women. The message—well, the lie really—is confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice. That lie has turned into quite the monster in our culture. Sharon Hodde […]

Jun 20, 2020

What’s the story behind the story? Just out of reach of my daughter’s 10-year-old arms is a huge snarl of hair on the back of her head. Like 90% of the time. And she doesn’t always even know it’s there. Without extreme effort or some outside help, that rat’s nest never goes away. We each […]

Jun 14, 2020

Living with unresolved conflict is like trying to tango with a toddler on your leg. Lights keep me awake. I mean, sure I can take a quick nap (boy, do I love naps). I can use a sleep mask, but it’s not quite the same. The kind of sustained rest required for flourishing—who am I […]

Jun 7, 2020

I help people live peaceful and whole lives by equipping them with communication and conflict resolution skills. And right now, that work is intense. Because justice and anti-racism work is personal AND systemic. And if you’re new to this work, it often feels completely overwhelming. I’ve found the Enneagram a useful tool in examining my […]

Jun 5, 2020

And it’s going to cost you. I want to have different words for you today. Words that comfort. Words that heal. Words that mend. Words that feel like a big hug.  I just can’t get there. As I’ve written and deleted, written and deleted, written and deleted, I keep coming back to loving you with […]

May 25, 2020

Sometimes blindspots just keep surprising us. Kind friends show you behaviors that are problematic for you and others, yet you can’t seem to shake the patterns that creep up from time to time. Or even worse, you get with your family around the holiday table, and you’re right back in childhood, poking your cousin because […]

May 20, 2020

Working with people involves accountability. From the most experienced CEO to the newest teenage intern, we make commitments to one another. The best teams, families, and workplaces are mutually accountable to one another.  The question isn’t so much “How do I hold people accountable?” It’s “How do I create a culture of commitment and mutual […]

May 13, 2020

Excitement and anxiety tangle as we begin to face emerging from the safety of our homes. Questions from our dinner conversations: “Do you think it will be the same?” “When do you think it will be the same?” “When will I be able to see my friends?” “When will we be able to have people […]

May 13, 2020

Clutching the phone, my thumb hit call before my nerve evaporated. This conversation would be challenging and vulnerable. My palms were sweaty, & I was scared. My brain knows conflict is an opportunity for growth and connection. My emotions, however, hear air raid sirens.🚨🚨 I don’t dive headlong into conflict. I overlook and move past […]

Apr 27, 2020

Assumicide attacked our home this weekend. Casualties were great. In my pale celery green kitchen, my hands full scooping out eggs for brunch, my oldest man-child loomed in the doorway and kindly called me on an assumption. Ouch. See, the day before, Michael, I and this same 17-year-old, had a similar conversation in the very […]

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