Aug 27, 2019
Figuring out where your responsibility lies is the secret sauce to resolution. In typical conflict situations, two or more people have responsibility for the problem. I am responsible for myself — for my thoughts, feelings, limits, talents, and behaviors. When looking at problem-solving, I need to ask myself the hard questions: What is my contribution? […]
Aug 20, 2019
We spend a lot of waking hours with people at work. About three hours a week are spent in workplace conflict. I mean that’s almost half a day! That’s a lot of lost time and productivity. Not to mention a lack of peace in a place where we spend so much of our lives. Conflict […]
Aug 14, 2019
I had a couple big setbacks this week. They didn’t happen suddenly, but they crashed on the same day. One involved a client where I didn’t set clear expectations, so I didn’t meet theirs. Now I’ve lost a client. One involved my lack of follow-through, almost costing my child the first day of school. Don’t […]
Aug 5, 2019
I am impatient. I don’t want instant results, but I want the movie montage to get to the end. I want growth, grief, and conflict resolution to feel like the highlight reel. And that’s just the thing: I highlight reel implies a finishing. Here are snippets of all the work, conversations, practice, activities, waiting, and […]
Jul 26, 2019
In music and in conflict… Drilled into my head as a young musician in orchestras and choirs—the right note at the wrong time is the wrong note. 1-and 2-and 3-ee-and-ah 4 Usually with foot stomping and clapping. Definitely with arm waving. Ensemble playing is a team sport, and the precision of timing makes the difference […]
Jul 19, 2019
Either/or thinking brings false security. When we are deeply stressed, particularly in a conflict or when we feel unsafe, we burrow into a place where someone or something must be either fully friend or foe. This position limits us to one issue and two-dimensional living. It reduces the fullness of humanity and “weaponizes belonging,” says […]
Jul 8, 2019
Can we get rid of the phrase “We had a fight?” when we’re talking about relationship disagreements and conflicts? Fight indicates severity and violence. Words like survival and self-defense come up when we’re talking fight. Black eyes and wounds result. Seriously, nobody wants it.🙅🏽♀️ Disagreement or conflict changes the view. Then words like negotiate, win-win, […]
Jul 5, 2019
Death arrested our family last week. As the reality of mortality does so well, the extraneous falls away. The distilled essence of what matters becomes clear. This dear one, who would lie in the road for me even before I married her nephew, was a spitfire of a woman. She fought hard and loved harder. […]
Jun 19, 2019
Here’s a little nugget for you, friends—we cannot live life without conflict. And each of you reading that sentence just reacted to the statement. Some of you just looked for the exit to this article. (Stay with me, please! I promise, I’ll walk with you!) Others of you were ready for the action. Bring. It. […]
Jun 12, 2019
The tale as old as time: as long as there have been competing interests, there has been conflict. When the desires—neutral, evil, righteous, imperfect, or just—of a person or a group challenge those of another person or group, the result of that competition is a conflict. Part one of this series connected our lack of […]
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