People are the best. Until they are the worst. And sometimes, it me. I can be the worst. Each of us can. How we cope with other people is another opportunity to observe ourselves. How do you deal with people in getting your needs met? (See this post on Enneagram Motivations!) Our interpersonal coping style, […]
Controversial Statement: You can’t find your Enneagram type from a test. 😬 I promise, I have something even better! A free booklet, “Why Do I Keep Doing This?” We all want it simple and easy. Bloop. Bloop. Bloop—you’re this type! Some fantastic personality typing works well like that. They help you find your strengths, preferences, […]
“Be nice.” “Don’t make a fuss.” “You’re so bossy.” Ever heard any of these? Uh, yeah. Me, too. Our culture has pushed several limiting beliefs about confrontation—and mostly to women. The message—well, the lie really—is confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice. That lie has turned into quite the monster in our culture. Sharon Hodde […]
Living with unresolved conflict is like trying to tango with a toddler on your leg. Lights keep me awake. I mean, sure I can take a quick nap (boy, do I love naps). I can use a sleep mask, but it’s not quite the same. The kind of sustained rest required for flourishing—who am I […]
I have seen some frankly stunning non-apologies this week. Words from public figures and people in positions of leadership whose words were characterized by a devastating lack of respect. The basic sentiment of a non-apology from this week: IF what I said when you were mean to me was mean back, well you were really […]
I help people live peaceful and whole lives by equipping them with communication and conflict resolution skills. And right now, that work is intense. Because justice and anti-racism work is personal AND systemic. And if you’re new to this work, it often feels completely overwhelming. I’ve found the Enneagram a useful tool in examining my […]
And it’s going to cost you. I want to have different words for you today. Words that comfort. Words that heal. Words that mend. Words that feel like a big hug. I just can’t get there. As I’ve written and deleted, written and deleted, written and deleted, I keep coming back to loving you with […]
The rest of y’all can listen in, but I want to gather my white sisters for a bit. I’ve been sitting at the table for a bit. Sipping, learning, fuming, raging, crying, praying, waiting, trying to decide how to set the most inviting table to a fraught and tangled conversion. Amy Cooper and all my […]
Sometimes blindspots just keep surprising us. Kind friends show you behaviors that are problematic for you and others, yet you can’t seem to shake the patterns that creep up from time to time. Or even worse, you get with your family around the holiday table, and you’re right back in childhood, poking your cousin because […]
Working with people involves accountability. From the most experienced CEO to the newest teenage intern, we make commitments to one another. The best teams, families, and workplaces are mutually accountable to one another. The question isn’t so much “How do I hold people accountable?” It’s “How do I create a culture of commitment and mutual […]
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