Aug 14, 2019
I had a couple big setbacks this week. They didn’t happen suddenly, but they crashed on the same day. One involved a client where I didn’t set clear expectations, so I didn’t meet theirs. Now I’ve lost a client. One involved my lack of follow-through, almost costing my child the first day of school. Don’t […]
Aug 5, 2019
I am impatient. I don’t want instant results, but I want the movie montage to get to the end. I want growth, grief, and conflict resolution to feel like the highlight reel. And that’s just the thing: I highlight reel implies a finishing. Here are snippets of all the work, conversations, practice, activities, waiting, and […]
Jul 29, 2019
Our kids spent the month of July at camp. They have changed. They have grown. So now, the Whitmer Cavalcade is different. We’re spending the weekend being together. Being all together for the first time in a month. Reorienting ourselves to how to relate and care and love one another well. If I were to […]
Jul 26, 2019
In music and in conflict… Drilled into my head as a young musician in orchestras and choirs—the right note at the wrong time is the wrong note. 1-and 2-and 3-ee-and-ah 4 Usually with foot stomping and clapping. Definitely with arm waving. Ensemble playing is a team sport, and the precision of timing makes the difference […]
Jul 19, 2019
Either/or thinking brings false security. When we are deeply stressed, particularly in a conflict or when we feel unsafe, we burrow into a place where someone or something must be either fully friend or foe. This position limits us to one issue and two-dimensional living. It reduces the fullness of humanity and “weaponizes belonging,” says […]
Jul 8, 2019
Can we get rid of the phrase “We had a fight?” when we’re talking about relationship disagreements and conflicts? Fight indicates severity and violence. Words like survival and self-defense come up when we’re talking fight. Black eyes and wounds result. Seriously, nobody wants it.🙅🏽♀️ Disagreement or conflict changes the view. Then words like negotiate, win-win, […]
Jul 5, 2019
Death arrested our family last week. As the reality of mortality does so well, the extraneous falls away. The distilled essence of what matters becomes clear. This dear one, who would lie in the road for me even before I married her nephew, was a spitfire of a woman. She fought hard and loved harder. […]
Jun 19, 2019
Here’s a little nugget for you, friends—we cannot live life without conflict. And each of you reading that sentence just reacted to the statement. Some of you just looked for the exit to this article. (Stay with me, please! I promise, I’ll walk with you!) Others of you were ready for the action. Bring. It. […]
Jun 12, 2019
The tale as old as time: as long as there have been competing interests, there has been conflict. When the desires—neutral, evil, righteous, imperfect, or just—of a person or a group challenge those of another person or group, the result of that competition is a conflict. Part one of this series connected our lack of […]
Jun 7, 2019
Plenty of ink has been spilled bemoaning the lack of civility in public discourse. Partisan fighting, discord, dehumanization, and just plain ugliness. The rancor is exhausting us culturally and damaging us relationally. And it’s just not fun. I’ve wondered and pondered and puzzled over the why-is-this and the how-did-we-get-here quite a bit over the last […]
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