Sometimes blindspots just keep surprising us. Kind friends show you behaviors that are problematic for you and others, yet you can’t seem to shake the patterns that creep up from time to time.

Or even worse, you get with your family around the holiday table, and you’re right back in childhood, poking your cousin because he took the bread heel you were going for. (I mean, not that I would know or anything…) You revert to a script that you thought you had outgrown.

Conflict just keeps happening because you keep playing out the same pattern.

How do you move past those patterns and scripts that float in the background of your heart and mind? Those hidden influences that your friends can’t see and you can’t either? Get a tool and a coach to help you use it.

When you’re in the salon chair after your haircut, what does the stylist hand you? A mirror. And then you get spun around so you can use your tool to see the back of your fabulous new ‘do. Next to the shampooing, that’s my favorite part! It’s like a magical little time I get to see what I can never see.

Self-awareness tools are that second mirror. They help you see how what’s going on in the back connects to the rest of your life. Over the years, I’ve used a lot of self-awareness to support coaching and mentoring people. Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, DISC.

The one I’ve found the most helpful for lasting growth is the Enneagram.

Like the other tools, the Enneagram reveals behavior patterns and tendencies that you can adjust to ease your way in conflict and communication. Yet the Enneagram helps you uncover the deeper motivations, what’s underneath those problematic patterns and scripts that trip you up.

I’ve compiled a list of helpful books and podcasts to get started with the Enneagram at jennwhitmer.com/enneagram. While you’re there, you can schedule a free session!

Enneagram questions? Ask it in the comments! I bet others have the same question