Feb 6, 2020

Bright Side: Conflict Can Be Ok

Reframing conflict is powerful—for good and for ill. The healthiest reframing is based in reality, not avoidance or denial.

Imperfect people clashing over imperfect wants and needs provides many opportunities for the rain to fall, even when you’re looking for the silver lining

Learning how you cope with conflict makes a difference in how wet you get.

The final Enneagram conflict coping style group:

Silver Linings

Twos, Sevens, and Nines

This group shares similar strengths and weakness in responses in conflict. When disappointed or facing conflict, this group tends to look for the bright side, reframing a situation to avoid negativity. They often bring creative solutions beyond the options presented. Yet, sometimes focusing so much on the positive, they neglect conflict’s root causes.

Do you tend to:

  • Respond with the silver lining first? (Well, at least…)
  • See how this situation can turn out for good?
  • Avoid negative emotions, yours and others’?
  • Focus on finding happiness in the best possible outcome?
  • Dismiss others as negative or too detailed? 
  • Struggle to balance others’ needs and your own, so you overvalue one over the other?
  • See the good intentions of yourself and others, but ignore the impact of the behaviors?

What’s great about Silver Linings:

You connect to the big picture and prioritize significant concerns.

What Silver Linings can do to grow:

Actively address conflicts when needed.

In-the-moment trick:

Slow down before you reframe the conflict. Stay engaged and recognize the disappointments. Be open with how you feel and ask for what you need. Make sure you do find a way to come back to discuss the issue.

Look through the images for specific descriptions of each type.

Twos: In Conflict

Fear being needy or unnecessary.

Overly focused on others’ needs and emotions, often to the detriment of their own.

Use flattery and compliments.

Take pride in their good intentions to help others.

Look to solve the problem so everyone feels good.

Can be temperamental.

Twos: Remember

You are appreciated and seen, even when you aren’t helping.

Humbly wait to solve problems.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Learn to be okay with your needs.

Accept that sometimes not everyone feels good about the best decision.

Offer help when you can freely give it, not when it’s strategic.


Sevens: In Conflict

Fear being trapped in negativity. Reframe quickly, almost instantly.

“Well, at least…”

Search for escape from cyclical disagreements.

Deep, strategic thinkers. Find connections among seemingly disparate data points. 

See the big picture and brainstorm solutions with excitement.

Details and negativity are for other people.

Look to equalize power distance and authority.

Reframes for the happy result before the difficulty is over.

Sevens: Remember

You have enough.

Slow down and be okay with silence while others process.

Learn to take helpful criticism as the path to more opportunities.

Create a workable system for follow-through.

Be present in a conflict rather than thinking, “What’s next?”

Accept that others will question your vision.

Be open to troubleshooting as much as possibilities.

Name your negative feelings. You will not be trapped there.

Nines: In Conflict

Fear being in conflict: internally and externally.

Conflict is a threat because it could mean losing the relationship.

Can be stubbornly noncommittal or uncommunicative.

Escape artists.

Longsuffering until explodes.

Merge with others ideas. Go with the flow.

Keep the peace, but lazy peacemakers.

Highlight the good of others.

See all sides of the story.

Nines: Remember

Your engagement matters.

Avoiding conflict usually creates more conflict.

Conflict is a part of healthy relationships.

Look for the next right action.

Ask yourself what you think. Be honest when others ask you.

Learn how to prioritize opinions and tasks.

Set deadlines for decisions.I’d love to support you in your growth. Visit  jennwhitmer.com/work-with-me or jennwhitmer.com/enneagram for enneagram coaching to find out how I can serve you beyond this little app.



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