Nov 24, 2019
Expectations kinda rule our lives. How we expect to relate to people or circumstances, how we feel about those expectations, and what we do to get our needs met. Google managing expectations, and you’ll find millions of words on the topic. (So, naturally, here are a few more!) Managing expectations, how we relate to people […]
Nov 17, 2019
Our heart longs for peace, and conflict or struggle is always involved in getting to that peace. We each have a basic response to emotional struggle, one we deal with over and over. That response is deep within us—we aren’t always aware we’re responding in a patterned way. We can easily be blind to what’s […]
Nov 12, 2019
Conflicts come up when my normal competes with your normal. Sure on the surface, it’s about meeting a deadline or leaving the office coffee pot empty. Underneath are expectations that come from our understanding of normal. Our personal culture—our perspectives, feelings, values, thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, actions—is our normal. Our personal cultures are not right or […]
Nov 7, 2019
Everyone in the drama triangle is headed in the wrong direction. Here’s how this often goes down: Jane, the villain, does something that annoys Stan, the victim. Stan stews a little on his annoyance. Stan talks to his co-worker Sylvia about Jane. Sylvia, the hero, goes to Jane and tells her to stop annoying Stan. […]
Nov 5, 2019
Communication is about creating shared meaning. When the same word holds different meanings, miscommunication always occurs. The dictionary definition is only the beginning of meaning. Nuance and context for words come from cultural influences, past experiences, and personal triggers. When people come together to work on a team, it is the role of the leader […]
Nov 3, 2019
Sometimes blindspots just keep surprising us. Kind friends show you behaviors that are problematic for you and others, yet you can’t seem to shake the patterns that creep up from time to time. Or even worse, you get with your family around the holiday table, and you’re right back in childhood, poking your cousin because […]
Oct 29, 2019
Many of us—especially women—have learned some limiting beliefs about confrontation. The lie is that confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice. That lie has turned into quite the monster in our culture. Sharon Hodde Miller, in her book Nice, records Dr. Christina Edmonson saying, “We are wooed by superficial niceness.” That superficial niceness limits our […]
Oct 24, 2019
Y’all this is a thing. We rarely see the hours of rehearsal, the days of study, the crumpled papers in the bin, the erased equations, the failed experiment, the burnt roast, the missed communication, the lackluster meeting. We see the book, the Ted Talk, the election, the promotion press release, the graduation, the lovely supper, […]
Oct 23, 2019
Peacefaking doesn’t resolve a conflict. Imperfect people, all seeing the world differently, try to make their way in the world together…well, conflict happens. Some of you see conflict coming, and you are Audi 5000. Some of you are just as conflict-avoidant, and you may say: “Oh, I never fight with people.” “I just turn the […]
Oct 22, 2019
I read a stunning — and harmful — non-apology this weekend. A public figure had a public exchange with another public figure. A devastating lack of respect characterized the entire thread. Two days later, one person offered a new attack poorly disguised as an apology. Not surprisingly, the Greek chorus of those who witnessed the […]
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