It’s hard to be sandpaper.

I easily rub people the wrong way and knock off little bits they were rather fond of. The worst is when I don’t even know my grit is injuring someone else.

The Assertive Stance of the Enneagram—Threes, Sevens, & Eights—often find themselves in this place of chafing against others or just moving independently of others.

Sometimes their future-facing selves are too far away from the people they are with. (Missed that? Go to jennwhitmer.com/stories/f/facing-the-future). Most of the time, it’s because of feelings.

See, we all have three centers of intelligence: thinking, doing, and feeling. And those in the assertive stance are all about the thinking and the doing. Feeling, not so much. Emotions just seem so ineffective.

That means they offer a lot of objectivity and show up with serious problem-solving abilities. Sometimes, that’s not what others want or need. And that sandpaper moment can be shocking to Threes, Sevens, & Eights.

The assertive stance folks have emotions, but they’ve often figured out how to work around them, box them, or ignore half of them.

So why is this a problem? Our lives work best when the centers of intelligence are balanced.

Our emotions are a window to our soul. If we close that window, it keeps us self-absorbed and self-obsessed.

It’s hard to grow, to change, or to develop meaningful relationships.

So how do these numbers become more whole and practiced at using the feeling center?

Discipline yourself in these three ways: 

✅Slow down. When you feel the momentum go a little wild, slow it down.

✅Stay present. Don’t move to the future to change, solve, or escape.

✅Have patience. With yourself and others.

I  feel you, my sandpaper friends. This inner work hard. It’s messy. It’s inefficient. And sometimes, even painful. But it’s often the most healing.

I’m learning as I mature and do the inner work, my grit is moving from course and harsh to a fine polishing sandpaper.

Any Threes, Sevens, and Eights out there? Is this problematic for you? How do you work with feelings more?Interested in more? Schedule a free Enneagram coaching call! I’d love to chat with you!