Conflicts come up when my normal competes with your normal. Sure on the surface, it’s about meeting a deadline or leaving the office coffee pot empty. Underneath are expectations that come from our understanding of normal. Our personal culture—our perspectives, feelings, values, thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, actions—is our normal.  Our personal cultures are not right or […]

Communication is about creating shared meaning. When the same word holds different meanings, miscommunication always occurs. The dictionary definition is only the beginning of meaning. Nuance and context for words come from cultural influences, past experiences, and personal triggers. When people come together to work on a team, it is the role of the leader […]

Many of us—especially women—have learned some limiting beliefs about confrontation. The lie is that confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice. That lie has turned into quite the monster in our culture. Sharon Hodde Miller, in her book Nice, records Dr. Christina Edmonson saying, “We are wooed by superficial niceness.” That superficial niceness limits our […]

I read a stunning — and harmful — non-apology this weekend. A public figure had a public exchange with another public figure. A devastating lack of respect characterized the entire thread. Two days later, one person offered a new attack poorly disguised as an apology. Not surprisingly, the Greek chorus of those who witnessed the […]

Have you ever experienced a nurse asking, “How would you rate your pain?” I’m always fascinated by the answers people give. My son had a broken foot and casually threw out, “Yeah, I’d say about two.” A two? Your bone is in separate pieces! And then other people go full-out Brian Regan and throw out […]