Dec 3, 2020

How to Care for Each Enneagram Type

I untied the purple curling ribbon excitedly.⁣

I smiled and stroked the cellophane pages of the leather album, full of prints of Michael and me and our friends. My 18-year-old self laughed at the memories and hugged the album.⁣

What I didn’t do? Burst into tears.⁣

And that lack of tears led to a fight. I mean it wasn’t our first fight, but that conflict led to important discoveries that have lasted us for nearly 30 years.⁣

In our immature selves, we assumed showing care for each other meant treating each other the way we want to be treated.⁣

Wait? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Well, the short answer? No.⁣

This was our first opportunity to learn we have different expectations. We experience love differently. We see the world differently.⁣

Aren’t we supposed to treat each other the way we want to be treated? Well, the short answer? No.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell people what we need because we stumble over this lie: “They should just know.” ⁣

Why would they know? They’re not Professor X. (I mean, unless you’re in a relationship with Prof. X. Then he really should know.)⁣

Sometimes it’s hard to tell people what we need because we stumble over this lie: “They should just know.”

The other rock we slip on is we don’t always know ourselves. The Enneagram helps us put words to those deep desires. ⁣

Here a few things you might need right now (or many always!) depending on your Enneagram type.

How to show you care…

Eight: Appreciate and even match my intensity with your full self. Don’t sugarcoat. Be loyal and protect me. Remind me that vulnerability is safe with you.

Nine: Wait for my answers. Appreciate that if I engage in anything that could cost harmony, it’s taking a lot of effort. Remind me that my presence matters.

Ones: Say what you mean. Respectfully. And then do it. Remind me it’s ok to tell my inner critic to sit down and shut up.

Two: Say thank you. For little and big things, show gratitude. Appreciate me. Remind me it’s ok for me to take time for myself. Help me do that.

Three: Cheer on my dreams. Help me celebrate winning. Help me get things done faster. Remind me that my belonging is not at stake if I fail.

Four: Listen to my feelings. Affirm that my feelings are real and intense. Appreciate my intuition. Remind me that I am not missing something that other people have.

Five: Be supportive of my need to be alone. Let me figure things out on my own. Respect the information I bring to you. Remind me that it’s ok that I have physical and emotional needs.

Six: Appreciate that my preparation is to care for you. Show me that our relationship is important to you by keeping commitments. Remind me I can make good decisions.

Seven: Join in my brainstorming and dreaming. Encourage my healthy spontaneity. Appreciate that fun and joy are important to me. Ask me how I’m really doing and don’t force me to be positive. Remind me that I will be taken care of.

Do these feel right? Can you see how to ask for what you need? And maybe give others some help?

Click that share button. Let your friends know how they can help you.


You can screenshot these too!



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