May 13, 2020
Clutching the phone, my thumb hit call before my nerve evaporated. This conversation would be challenging and vulnerable. My palms were sweaty, & I was scared. My brain knows conflict is an opportunity for growth and connection. My emotions, however, hear air raid sirens.🚨🚨 I don’t dive headlong into conflict. I overlook and move past […]
Dec 3, 2019
My week is crazy. Anyone else? (And a thousand hands go up). And next week ain’t looking any better. Deadlines out of my control. Clients changing goals. Studying routines to keep. Big decisions to make. Teenagers to parent. Oh, and it’s December… As you may have discovered in your life, when the margin is decreasing […]
Nov 19, 2019
We all deal with people. Unless you’re a hermit, which then you’re not reading this…so I’ll assume you’re dealing with people! Another opportunity to pay attention to what you pay attention to is how you deal with people in meeting your needs. (See the last post if you missed self-awareness, the Enneagram, and Centers of […]
Nov 12, 2019
Conflicts come up when my normal competes with your normal. Sure on the surface, it’s about meeting a deadline or leaving the office coffee pot empty. Underneath are expectations that come from our understanding of normal. Our personal culture—our perspectives, feelings, values, thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, actions—is our normal. Our personal cultures are not right or […]
Nov 7, 2019
Everyone in the drama triangle is headed in the wrong direction. Here’s how this often goes down: Jane, the villain, does something that annoys Stan, the victim. Stan stews a little on his annoyance. Stan talks to his co-worker Sylvia about Jane. Sylvia, the hero, goes to Jane and tells her to stop annoying Stan. […]
Nov 5, 2019
Communication is about creating shared meaning. When the same word holds different meanings, miscommunication always occurs. The dictionary definition is only the beginning of meaning. Nuance and context for words come from cultural influences, past experiences, and personal triggers. When people come together to work on a team, it is the role of the leader […]
Oct 29, 2019
Many of us—especially women—have learned some limiting beliefs about confrontation. The lie is that confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice. That lie has turned into quite the monster in our culture. Sharon Hodde Miller, in her book Nice, records Dr. Christina Edmonson saying, “We are wooed by superficial niceness.” That superficial niceness limits our […]
Oct 1, 2019
There’s always a story inside my head. And in yours. It’s how the brain makes sense of the information it receives. The narrative we create inside our heads colors every new input and shapes our communication. I once had a leader whose saccharine facade and passive-aggressive nature slowly created a toxic work environment and eroded […]
Sep 23, 2019
Hiya, Monday! I know that our relationship is, well, tumultuous. So, can we talk? You are steady. I’ll give you that. You are faithful to show up. Every week—same bat time, same bat channel. I guess what changes is my thinking. I could see you as an opportunity to start afresh, exploring new ideas and […]
Sep 22, 2019
Leadership isn’t taking charge, getting things done, or signing the checks. Leadership is serving and influencing others. I’ve had this weird thing about permission. Maybe it’s military parents or years in teaching, but I felt like I could only help other people so much or live only so far into my dreams before a person […]
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